Get a piece of white cloth. Cotton. None of that made-from-plastic junk, okay? Maybe Aunt Tildie likes it, but she isn't trying to keep the nasties from her door, now is she? And, thank the Goddess, you don't have to iron it, so make it cotton. Then cut it into a seven inch square. Yes, seven. Numbers are important to magick. No cheating!
Get some basil, dill, and fennel. There you go again. What do you mean, you don't have any fennel? Okay, okay, buddy, don't lose it. You can use a lot of protective herbs in this one. The important thing is to choose three herbs. Not two. Not four. It's the number thing again. Use any three of these: basil, dill, fennel, St. John's Wort (empty one of your "feel good" caplets!), rosemary, tarragon, horehound, vervain.
Mix your herbs in an earthenware bowl. Hum a nice protection tune --Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry, Be Happy works for me! Then again, you don't have to hum, but, hey, why not? Gently mix your herbs up. You did grab only a little bit of each of three didn't you? You only need a tad. You are using a bowl that isn't that icky plastic stuff or creepy aluminum, aren't you? Fabulous!
Lay your cloth on the Altar. Take the typewriter off first if you're using a typing table. These herbs don't necessarily protect your keys from sticking! Put your herbs -- all mixed nicely, thank you very much -- in the center of the cloth. Take the four corners, pull them up to a nifty peak. Presto! Chango! Your cloth is now a pouch. Soooo cool. Now comes the witchy part, where we tie it up with a gorgeous, just like my favorite Maybelline lipstick, red yarn, cut to seven inches.
Are you ready? Tie the first knot and say in a powerful voice, "I bind
thee to protect this house and all within it!"
Tie the second knot and say the same thing...... I'll tell you why, just because I said so, and, also, because that's the way it's done, tie thirteen whole knots in your yarn repeating the command every time. This isn't hard, is it?
Ba-boom! We're almost there, love. Pick up your athame (knife, in other words) in your prominant hand (the one you write with) and grab the
sachet (that's the cloth/herb thing, dear) with your other hand. Are you still there? Okay. Now face North and hold the sachet in front and above you and poke it, gently, of course, with your athame. Say as profoundly certain as you can, "May this which I have made of my will and with my hands serve me well as protector of this house and all who reside within its walls. Guardian and Protector, so shall it be from this moment forth! So mote it be!"
You did good, dear heart! Now go hang your protector/guardian/sachet/cotton cloth bag thingie in the highest part of the house. Use the red yarn to attach it to something, all right?